Party of One

My name is Holander and I was censored by Instagram. We’ve reached the point where it’s almost as common as hipsters in coffee shops. Us femmes are all bonding over having been censored or targeted on IG for owning our sexuality.

My latest single, Party Of One, is a sex positive song about loving yourself and your body, aimed especially at womxn who might have been made to feel that they shouldn’t be proud to love themselves and their bodies.

We filmed a video with our amazing collaborator @m.haight and it was honestly a dream; a living and breathing visual image of what the song means to me— minus actually climaxing in front of my team lol.

I really let loose, geniunely enjoyed myself, and fully gave myself over to the message. Even as we were filming that day, I began to see how this project being in the world was helping me with my own journey of empowerment with sexuality, and would therefore have an impact on others.

We went to promote the video, as we had done multiple times before with other content, and were denied. I literally had no idea why! I was shocked. After looking into it more, we found out that we were denied for being too sexually explicit.

The point of the song was to de-stigmatize femme ‘self love,’ so it was upsetting to be flagged for trying to start a conversation. And to be totally honest, this is a conversation that I felt vulnerable about to begin with. I have just never really put myself out there in that way, discussing topics related to womxn and sex in a public forum where I was leading the conversation. Let’s just say, I was nervous-excited.

The song’s lyrics are 100% clean with the exception of some sexual innuendos/metaphors here and there. I was very vocal about this during the songwriting process— I love subtlety in art, making the listener work a little harder to understand the lyrics and what a song is actually about, rather than being blunt. The video, along those same lines, is also clean and subtle: it only includes images of dancing, cake eating, and balloon popping. We kept it purposely metaphorical.

We appealed, after calming my fear that the video would be taken down entirely if we did. We sent a message explaining that the content of the song and video was not in any way explicit. We told them that the song is about a party for body positivity, and offered to remove the word “masturbation” from the caption.  Still denied. Our previous visual, by the conservative notions of ‘appropriate,’ would be more worthy of being denied. It featured me in a bodysuit in a baby pool but for some reason, my fully clothed self having a dance party and singing “this is my party please myself I’m so alone but I’m so in love with me” was more offensive. Oh the fun of the patriarchal hypocrisy.

I got an automated denial back; the only acknowledgment being that they didn’t care if it was educational. The denial made me feel as if I had done something wrong, and that I had been overly sexually explicit in some way which a) there is absolutely nothing wrong with and b) truly isn’t the case with this video. But mainstream society, as we have come to see, is afraid of womxn with autonomy and influence. It only goes to show the extent to which this fear has gone; that my first instinct was to feel ashamed for something that had made me feel empowered within my body. I couldn’t believe that wearing a short-sleeved shirt and pink shorts and singing metaphorically about loving my body was too extreme for Instagram! Really though, it’s not even what it means for me on a personal level, but what it means for the world, and those more marginalized, that the fear is ingrained to such an extent that even something as innocent as what I did isn’t supportable. Because there are people out there doing more provocative things that are just as, if not more, educational and de-stigmatizing. Owning your sexuality, whatever that may mean, and having poignancy to offer the world aren’t mutually exclusive; sexy dancing and wanting civil liberties/equality to be protected aren’t mutually exclusive. There is no aspect of sexual autonomy, there is no level of too much or too little clothing, there is no display of ones gender, there is no expression of sex-positivity that negates other aspects of who you are.

By @holandermusic

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